


Regrets and Another Lifetime

by howtohold



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eruriweek, M/M, Time Loop, eruriweek2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 18:35:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20475653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howtohold/pseuds/howtohold
Summary: It's ironic, really.For a man who prattles on about having no regrets, it's super fucking ironic.In his dying moments, as he takes his final breath, the last thing on Levi's mind is regret.





	Regrets and Another Lifetime

It's ironic, really.

For a man who prattles on about having no regrets, it's super fucking ironic.

In his dying moments, as he takes his final breath, the last thing on Levi's mind is regret,

_Regret that he didn't tell Erwin that he loves him._

×××××××××

When he opens his eyes, he feels the familiar sharp biting wind on his face. He's flying, on his gear, with the blade positioned and ready to attack.

The shitty beast titan is in front of him, and he's back to the fight to take back Shiganshina.

Was it all a dream? The basement? The ocean? The world beyond the walls?

But it all vanishes and Levi watches horrified as history repeats itself and suddenly, they're back to the fucking roof and Erwin's barely breathing.

Levi's clutching the serum closely to his heart and his mind's buzzing. What the hell is happening...

But, he lets Erwin go. He lets him die. 

_Again_, his mind whispers harshly. _You let him die again_. Regret chokes him, he can't breathe.

Levi thinks, _I love you, Erwin. _

Then, everything turns black.

×××××××××

Levi wakes up once again. 

This time, he's walking sluggishly, carrying something in his arms. 

He looks down and realizes, it's Erwin. Or rather, what's left of him. 

Levi places him down gently on the bed. They're in the cursed basement. 

_I've been here before,_ Levi thinks. _I've done this before._

A steady rasp on the wooden door shakes him out of hia reverie. Hange enters the room with a soft look in their eyes.

"Here," Hange hands him a vase, a single stem of lillies of the valley is inside it. "I brought the flower you were staring at."

Levi accepts it and mutters a quiet 'thanks'.

Hange smiles at him. "Nothing--nobody can ever replace him." Levi doesn't look at them. He focuses on arranging the flower on the nightstand. 

"Erwin is--was the greatest friend I ever had. Listened to my ramblings, didn't scoff at me for thinking how I think'" Hange lets out a weak chuckle and their voice starts to waver. "He believed in me when others ridiculed me for being the way I am."

Hange laughs and laughs until they're crying. Uncontrollable sobs pour out of them. Levi's vision starts to blur even as he thinks, _I've heard this before._

He turns towards Hange and closes the distance between them. He wraps him in his arms and lets them cry on his shoulders.

"I know you loved him." Hange says when the sobs died down. They smile weakly at Levi, their eyes shining with tears. "He loved you too, you know."

Levi's heart clenches and his breath hitches. He doesn't wanna cry. He can't. 

"I love him." He says solemnly. Because, now that he thinks about it, this was the first time he's saying it outloud. _"I fucking love that bastard."_

Hange huffs wetly and laughs again. "I know, Levi. I know."

Then, Levi's crying too. He thinks, _this never happened before. _

×××××××××

When Levi wakes up, he sees Erwin observing him with a warm look in his blue eyes.

Levi yelps. Then he realizes, _I'm cursed_. 

"You're up. How are you feeling?" Erwin asks him. Levi has to mask the shudder that runs down his spine when he hears that deep voice._ I miss you_, he wants to say.

But he can't. Because this is a curse. _This is not real._

Levi tries to move but a sharp pain jolts him and he spots his leg wrapped in bandages.

"Take it easy. Your leg's badly injured." Erwin moves closer and helps him settle comfortably on the bed. 

And Levi wants to run, because he knows what's coming. He's been here before.

Erwin lets out a shaky breath and Levi really, really wants to run. Because this was it, the moment where Erwin says--

"I almost lost you, Levi." 

"Erwin, I--" Levi stammers. He doesn't wanna hear this. He can't.

"--I love you, Levi. I was so afraid _I lost you_."

Because Levi's a coward, because he's a shithead who can't own up to his feelings and face Erwin, he stays quiet. Even when Erwin embraces him, his lips stays sealed.

He holds Erwin in his arms, returns the kisses he gives, lets Erwin explore his body, welcomes Erwin inside his body.

But he can't say 'I love you' back.

_Because he's a fucking coward._

×××××××××

When his consciousness returns, he's back to that goddamned rooftop, he's staring hopelessly, helplessly at Erwin's corpse while the roar of the new Armored Titan invades his ears.

Regret drowns him like the unrelenting waves of the ocean.

He screams and screams and screams.

Everything fades to black.

×××××××××

Levi's at the basement clutching a sobbing Hange.

Erwin's carcass lies on the bed, half-covered by his cape.

×××××××××

Levi's hugging his knees as hunger strikes an unfathomable pain inside him. He's back to being a kid, wearing his mother's dirty dress.

The rotting corpse on the bed belongs to Kuchel.

×××××××××

Levi's holding a fairly light rectangular casing. Inside is the serum that turns humans to Titans.

Kenny's staring blankly at him. His lifeless burnt body leaning on the tree.

×××××××××

Then, he's back to his room. He's naked, sweating. The bed is rocking as the body behind him thrusts forward.

Erwin's inside him, they're bodies are intertwined. Erwin's remaining hand is wrapped possessively across Levi's chest.

Their moans and gasps fill the room. Erwin kisses his neck and whispers Levi's name repeatedly, reverently.

Levi thinks _he shouldn't be here. Shouldn't be letting Erwin inside him. Shouldn't turn his head towards Erwin and kiss him._

Levi shouldn't be alive. He should be lying down in that dirt, bloodied and beaten. _Taking his last breath._

But he opens his mouth and lets out a needy moan. Because, _gods_, he missed this. _He needs this._

Erwin thumbs his nipple and sucks a bruise at his nape. 

"_Fuck_, Levi. I love you."

Levi lets out another moan. Erwin thrusts harder and his hand drifts lower to stroke Levi's dick.

_"I love you."_ Erwin repeats. And Levi thinks,_ I don't wanna lose you anymore. I don't wanna see you die again._

Then, it slips out from Levi. "I love you." He allows himself to say. Because this wasn't real.

Because he's dying and this is a hallucination. When you die, life does flash before your eyes.

"I love you." Levi repeats. "I lo--_mmm_." Erwin cuts him off by pressing his mouth with Levi's. They kiss filthily, lips parted, mouths open. 

Erwin's thrusts are becoming more erratic and Levi feels the incoming wave of orgasm.

For the first time in the longest time, he's happy, content. 

"_I love you, Erwin_." He says again, just because.

His vision fades.

×××××××××

...

.

.

"Levi?" 

He hears Erwin's familar voice calling out his name. He blinks several times and his vision clears. 

They're at a church. At the altar. Erwin's wearing a white formal suit that matches his.

He turns his head around and takes in the scenery before him: Kuchel, Kenny, the brats from the 104th troop, Miche, Nanaba, Hange, Moblitt, and countless of familiar faces. They're all wearing formal clothes.

It dawns on Levi, that they're in a wedding ceremony.

"Levi?! Are you not gonna kiss _your husband_?!" Hange shouts. The crowd laughs while Levi thinks, _what the fuck._

He hears Erwin laughing. "Darling, what's on your mind?" 

Darling. Erwin called him 'darling'. And it sounds good. He could listen to him all day.

Levi thinks of Titans, of bloodshed, of dying.

Then, he shakes his head. 

He smiles warmly at Erwin, just because.

"I had the strangest nightmare."


End file.
